Ron's Big Life Update - February 1994

(written February 14th:)

The ACTUAL and FACTUAL account of the origin of Valentine's Day.

Not many people realize that Valentine's Day was started by a famous Hollywood actor. In ancient California, Val Kilmer awoke one day to discover that his entire kitchen had been vandalized by a group of demented Norwegian thugs. The wacky Norwegians had vindictively broken the handles off all of Mr. Kilmer's utensils, and left them in a big pile on his kitchen floor. Mr. Kilmer, aghast that his precious collection of salad forks from around the world had been so blasphemously violated, collapsed in a heap atop the utensil remains. He was discovered by his next door neighbor, who was himself in the process of dumping his girlfriend. He used the sighting of Mr. Kilmer as an excuse to not visit her, claiming it was a holiday... ValInTyne's Day.

Thank you very much. Thank you.
Enjoy the buffet. I'll be here all week.
Ron

(written February 21st:)

Hi, yall. How yall are?

Here's a brief, poignant, potentially metaphorical story of my weekend.

On Friday, I went to a UA hockey game. One of the fast food chains out here, Whataburger, has this deal where you get a free Whataburger and a drink if the UA hockey team scores more than 10 goals. Well, we won 13-3 on Friday, and I decided to get my free goodies for dinner yesterday. I marched in, told the guy behind the counter that I wanted whatever my ticket stub entitled me to, and waited while he went off to find a burger. Whataburger, following the lead from McDonalds, posted their nutrition information next to the counter, which I perused while I was waiting. One menu item in particular caught my attention - the breakfast platter with sausage. It was scrambled eggs, hash browns, sausage, and a biscuit. Their breakfast platter has 52.7 grams of fat. Yikes! Isn't that the lethal dosage?

Touching story, eh? Hope the weather's getting better where you are; we have a 20% chance of rain today. (Read: 80% chance of sunshine.)

Ron

(written February 27th:)

I might have mentioned that Mr. Science moved to a new radio station in Tucson after the morning crew got fired at KRQ. The transition has been less than smooth, mostly because the DJs at this new station aren't funny at all.

On Friday, Mr. Science called in complaining about his breakfast. He'd been trying to save some money so he bought this budget-priced cereal, Cheapo's. It has the consistency of sawdust, and practically dissolves in milk! The list of ingredients: sugar, artificial flavoring. Yick! Although it's not all bad - if you send in 12 proofs of purchase, you get a free keychain with a picture of Grady from Sanford & Son.

It's in the 80's...
Ron