Ron's Big Life Update - January 1995

Where was I? Oh, yes. Two weeks ago, I had begun to describe my wonderful new Commodore 64. I quickly decided that the most entertaining part of the computer is the manual. Back in '83, when memory was hard to come by (64K total in the whole machine), the user's guide gave some suggestions on how to save memory:

1. Delete all comments from your program.
2. Delete all extra spaces from your program. (GOTO 10 becomes GOTO10)
3. Use the smallest possible line numbers in your BASIC programs. (100 X = 3 is much more wasteful than 8 X=3 )

I think it's pretty funny that what is considered BAD BAD BAD BAD BAD programming nowadays was considered good back then, and was actually suggested in the User's Guide. Hm!

In other news, Christmas (and Hanukah) came and went. The best gift I got was an instructional book on How To Do The Lambada. Margaret and I will be practicing, hopefully. Hope your own personal Santas brought you lots of good stuff also.

And Crap From The Past has been on a rampage lately. My Christmas show was excellent. The theme was Christmas, and included great songs like "I Wanna Be Rich" - Calloway, "Money (That's What I Want)" - The Flying Lizards, "Gimme Some Money" - Spinal Tap, "I Just Want To Be Your Everything" - Andy Gibb, "Gimme Gimme Shock Treatment" - The Ramones, "I Want Candy" - Bow Wow Wow, "I Want Your Sex" - George Michael, "Gimme All Your Lovin'" - ZZ Top, and of course some Christmas staples, like "The Twelve Days Of XMas" - Bob & Doug McKenzie, and "Walking Round In Women's Underwear" - Bob Rivers.

On the whole, a most excellent show that I'm sorry you all missed.

And for New Year's Eve, I did Crap From The Past live at a local club. I put up flyers all over Tucson that read,

Disco AND New Wave.
70's AND 80's.
Peaches AND Herb.

Can your New Year's Eve party do this?

Bust out the bell-bottoms and Afro-Sheen for a booty-shakin' New Year's Eve party featuring world-famous disc jockey Ron "Boogiemonster" Gerber, host of 91.3 KXCI-FM's "Crap From The Past."

etc. etc. time, place, cover charge, etc.

It was excellent. We crammed 300 people into a room that only holds 270, and played lots of disco, very little new wave, and some 60's stuff as well. Fun was had by all, including me. And I got paid for it! What a country!

Oh yes, and I spent Christmas with my friend Matt. We had the traditional viewing of "Santa Claus Conquers The Martians". (A Mystery Science Theater 3000 staple, now taped in its entirety.)

And I lost four pounds last week. Hmmm...

Well, I think that's all the excitement you can handle for now. Write back when you can, and to all a good night.

Ha Ha Ha...no that's not quite right, Tee Hee Hee... no that's not it either, Hoo Hoo Hoo, oh forget it.
Ron

(written January 13th:)

Hi, y'all. I realize that as my mailing list gets larger and larger, my e-letters must seem less and less personal. Sorry about that; if it's any comfort at all, you'll be delighted to know that there's nothing else going on in my pathetic life aside from what's contained in this letter. Rest easier, one and all.

I saw Stevie Wonder last night in Phoenix. He played for three hours, and he's in serious contention for the best concert I've ever seen. Let's put it this way - if I ever get a band at my wedding (if I ever get married), I want Stevie Wonder. Nuff said.

I was commissioned by the Powers that Be at KXCI (the radio station I work at) to write a little blurb about Crap From The Past for their monthly newsletter. I came up with this:

Crappy New Year, from Ron "Boogiemonster" Gerber, host of "Crap From The Past." My new year's resolution for 1995 was to speak only in lyrics from '70s and '80s songs.

"I'm your boogie man. That's what I am." - KC & The Sunshine Band, 1977.
"I'm a DJ." - David Bowie, 1977.
"I've been to paradise but I've never been to me." - Charlene, 1981.

The second Friday of every month belongs to "Crap From The Past." So how's it going, you ask?

"Things are going great. And they're only getting better." - Timbuk 3, 1986.
"Everything's coming up roses." - Nik Kershaw, 1984.
"Everybody was kung fu fighting." - Carl Douglas, 1974.

The show is wildly successful on every level, and has achieved more in seven months that the combined contributions of all civilized societies since the dawn of mankind. "Crap From The Past" also plays a lot of the stuff that was on the radio in the late '70s and early '80s, but that doesn't interfere with our delusions of grandeur.

"I am strong. I am invincible. I am woman." - Helen Reddy, 1972.
"I am Superman. And I can do anything." - R.E.M., 1987.
"Look at me. I'm Sandra Dee." - Stockard Channing from Grease, 1978.

I think of the second Friday of every months as an important educational podium, from which we may spread enlightenment, spiritual enrichment, and insights that can only be gained through years of listening to the radio.

"Everybody Wang Chung tonight." - Wang Chung, 1987.
"I got Pac Man Fever." - Buckner & Garcia, 1982.
"Someone left the cake out in the rain." - Donna Summer, 1978.

And don't miss the big hue Valentine's Day show on Friday, February 10th.

I'll be playing Love Songs. Nothing but Love Songs.

"Oh. Love to love you baby." - Donna Summer, 1975.
"Love is like a rock." - Donnie Iris, 1982.
"I love rock and roll." - Joan Jett & The Blackhearts, 1981.

Ain't life sweet? Happy Friday the 13th,
Ron

(written January 23rd:)

I got my first paper published! My name is in 11-point Helvetica for the entire optics community to see! I am now an entry in the "authors" section of a database! Woo-hoo! I'm going to change my answering machine message to say:

James J. Zambuto, Ronald E. Gerber, J. Kevin Erwin, and M. Mansuripur, "Ring-lens focusing and push-pull tracking scheme for optical disk systems," Appl. Opt. 33, 7987-7994 (1994).

Now to send off a copy to mom...

Ron G